FAQs


I wrote this a while back in response to the ubiquitous questions that I get when I tell people that I'm gay. I don't claim to speak for the gay community as a whole, only myself (though I would be willing to bet that many of these questions can apply to any gay person).


1. What? You're gay?! Are you sure?
Yep, pretty sure.
This question usually makes me laugh. I know that I'm probably not the most flaming person in the world, but I'm not exactly the epitome of straightness either. And I can bet you that if I wasn't really sure, I wouldn't be telling you this just for kicks.

2. How come you never told me?
This one has different answers depending on the person asking the question. It could be because I was afraid. It could be because last time I saw you was so long ago that I wasn't sure who I really was. It could be because I never found it relevant to our relationship. Most often, it's simply because it never came up. You can't just interrupt a conversation with, "Yeah, it is really sunny today. By the way, I'm gay." It has to be in an appropriate context. So I guess if you didn't already know, now is the right time.

3. Are you open with your parents?
Yes. I came out to my parents during my first semester at UT, the weekend after my nineteenth birthday. This usually leads to the question...

4. How did they take it?
Not really so well. Basically I said, "I'm gay," and the first thing my mom said was, "What makes you think that?" To make a long story short, they were stunned for the months leading up to Christmas break when they decided that if I wanted to live at home that I had to be straight. They made it very clear that they were not kicking me out, but rather I was "choosing to leave" by choosing my lifestyle.

5. So, you're just not attracted to women at all?
I typically want to counter it with "Do you understand the definition of 'gay'?"
No, I am not attracted to females. I can recognize and fully appreciate the beauty of a female, but I would never want to sleep with one.

6. So, what's your type?
Generally, I'm attracted to people that like the same kinds of things that I do- working out, cars, politics, religion, etc. He also has to be family oriented and driven to succeed in life. I'm not really looking for sluts, either. If you know me very well, you can probably figure out the kind of guy that I would like.

7. What do you think about gay marriage (or the boy scouts, or non-discrimination policies, etc.)?
Of course I support gay marriage. I always advocate anything that furthers gay rights. I look forward to the day when gays and straights have equal rights. I understand that there will never be perfect social equality, but legally speaking, there is plenty of room for improvement.
I also want to note here once again that I find it very interesting that even now that America has at least one state with legal gay marriage, we still refer to the spouses of gays as "partners." After years of being PC, even now that John Smith is married, we still refer to his husband as his partner. This disturbs me.
Finally, I want to mention how much better it makes me feel that gays are finally getting marriage rights. It has now become second nature for me to respond to, "Nicholas is getting married" with "Oh, really? To a female?" That is personally very freeing.

8. Wait a minute. You want to have kids? How does that work?
Adoption is legal in America and has been for many years. There is also the option of finding surrogate parents, foster parenting, etc. Currently only Florida has laws against gays and lesbians adopting children. Even Tennessee allows it- shocker. And just as a side note, I can't wait to have kids.

9. So, do you like to do drag?
Probably one of the most disturbing questions I get. No, I do not. I have never once dressed as a woman. Even playing dress up as a kid, the only makeup I would put on was to look like GI Joe. Statistically, most cross-dressers are actually straight men. I have no desire to dress as a female, nor do I have anything against people who do. It just isn't my cup of tea.

10. Hey, my friend's brother's sister-in-law's babysitter has a hairdresser who is gay!
I know this isn't a question, but it always comes up. I'm sure that 99% of people in this world know someone who is gay. Actually, it shocks me much more when people say, "Really? I've never met a gay person before."
I don't really have any comments or responses to this, except that if any of the gay people that you know are cute and single, you're more than welcome to hook me up.

11. How can you be a Christian and be gay?
Unfortunately, this question requires more space and time to answer than I am willing to sacrifice at this point in time. I've written papers on this topic at length and will soon post further information. But for now, just trust me on this one.